So I took this test at the college I’m going to for the year to determine what classes I can place out of, and found out that I can skip basically all of the prelim English classes and go straight to the fun stuff, like British Lit II. This being said, I figured it would be a wise investment to buy a Barnes & Noble membership.

Terrible, terrible mistake.

Well, it’s not terrible that I spend my money on good things like improving myself through reading instead of other, more UNSAVORY things. Not in the least. However, the power of potential 10% off I get on certain items at B&N as made me a bit power crazy.

I’ve been going there almost daily. It’s an addiction, really. I love the atmosphere, the smell of books and coffee, seeing fellow “hipsters” like me who go there with their laptops and write (in my case, writing a book) while sipping coffee on comfy couches with not a care in the world, and the mutual love of reading and knowledge that pervades the entire store.

And thus, my coffee bill has been getting alarmingly high.

I know what you’re thinking; just bring a coffee mug from your house. I say to you; that is a very valid point, dear reader. However, do I have the ability to make such decadent Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccinos such as the delightful crew of the Barnes & Noble Café do so very well?

Very simply put – NO.

I’m trying to navigate very treacherous waters, here. “To buy the coffee, or not to buy the coffee; that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler to drink from those beloved founts, and in so doing, perish (or rather, my wallet dies from starvation.)” Not an exact quote, I know, but close and well enough to make my point.

My dear friend Becca once met me at my beloved Barnes & Noble quite unintentionally whilst I was writing and sipping my beautiful Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino. When I told her what I was doing, she said that I was “such a hipster”. This only makes me like going there all the more. What to do…

What I really need is an in-house coffee/bookshop so that I a.) don’t waste gas, b.) don’t spend money, and c.) am still hipster as always. But since I don’t have one…

I know what else you’re thinking; the Library is a suitable substitute for Barnes & Noble, isn’t it? Well, it is and it isn’t. True, the books are free there, but have YOU ever seen a Starbucks inside of a Library? No? Then stop talking. I mean, I can’t even bring my OWN coffee, much less buy coffee from there.

I can imagine it now:

‘I walk up to the stodgy library whose thin, gray hair is caught up in a clean, tight bun while her huge glasses partially conceal her stern, wrinkles face. She peers at me over those giant lenses with one finely-tweezed eyebrow raised. Shoulders hunched over, I proceed meekly forward.

“Dear, kind, most lovely librarian, ma’am.” I say in a small voice. “Do you think it might possibly, hopefully, blessedly be possible for me to obtain a small coffee here? Or even to bring my own?” My voice trembles as I ask.

She rises up in her seat, indignation instantly etching itself onto her face. “coffee? COFFEE!?!” She roars, disturbing all of the library patrons. She instantly becomes 11 feet tall. “You want to know if you can bring COFFEE into MY library?!?!?! GET OUT NOW!” She points a bony finger to the door with all of the authority of life itself.

Curtsying low to the floor, I turn tail and run, my will broken and my dreams dashed.’

Uh yeah, no. Thanks for the thought, though.

Well, since you have no GOOD ideas, I guess I must fight these B&N demons myself, floundering in unknown waters while my will is torn from me. (Can you tell that the B&N atmosphere is rubbing off on my writing?)