For those of you who are rising seniors this year, you can understand this feeling well. That sense that you haven’t done anything with your life, and as you watch those younger generations do things you never had the opportunity to do, you just shake your head and ponder your existence.
Me, I watch my younger siblings and I just feel regret. I mean, come ON, my little sister gets to do BALLET. When I was a kid, I couldn’t so much as go to Jellybeans, not to mention my dream of figure skating. And yet, my parents are now talking about putting her through both ballet AND gymnastics (another dream of mine). Then again, she does look quite adorable, but still. My little brother does nothing more than play video games, watch tv, and eat all day, basically. I feel like screaming “go outside!” but he never really seems to get the hint.
But seriously, that feeling of senioritis is descending, and it’s coming in hard. For instance, I tried out for volleyball at my school just a few days ago, and I was cut in favor of the younger girls who have been playing since middle school. That really got me to thinking. And boy, when I was filling out some scholarship applications, and they asked me about accomplishments in my life, that REALLY got me thinking.
I mean, I’m a 90’s kid. I played outside, had a Nintendo (not a 64, sadly), and did Ta-Kwon-Do. I mean, shouldn’t be a 90’s kid be an accomplishment in itself? From now on, those colleges are going to be receiving kids who have sat in front of TVs their entire lives, either playing a game or watching a show. I had to TEACH my little siblings how to play outside just yesterday! There really should be a scholarship for being 90’s kid alone. Seriously.
But I also feel kind of jealous of those little kids who have no care in the world other than the thought of what will entertain them next. I have all this planning to do, colleges to see, and eventually moving out.
Don’t get me wrong, I am WAY ready to move out. It’s not that I don’t love my family, it’s just that I like my “me” space. When I’m alone, I’m able to crunch down and get more done, and it just helps me to recharge. I live in a house full of 6 other people, so you can probably understand this. Personally, I am really looking forward to college, but at the same time, I have this sense of loss deep in my chest just thinking about it.
I find myself reminiscing a lot. I think it’s finally hitting me that this is my last year at home. This same time next year, I’ll be packing my things and shipping off to some university, leaving my parents, family, and friends behind me. I think about the things I haven’t done, and I realize that I can’t ever take it back. I can’t ever do the things I had wanted or planned to do during high school.
I know that I’ve been kind of meandering from topic to topic here, but what you are currently reading (if anyone IS actually reading this) is the stream of my thoughts. Really. This right here is what I’m thinking every hour of every day of my life (except for when I’m eating: then I’m just like “………nom.”).
Here’s to the future! *clinks wine glass*