Enter Turkey Day

Imagine this: you’re working behind a cash register at your local grocery store, making casual small talk with customers as you casually swipe their items across the scanner. Enter a last minute Turkey Day shopper, with her cart piled way higher than is safe for anyone within a radius of ten feet. Hey, close your jaw as you gape at the mountain of food. That’s rude. Anywho, you try to keep your voice calm as you ask the old-ish lady for her VIC card (can you guess where I work now?), only to hear her (rather snobbish) reply that it was at the bottom of the cart. That’s planning for you. Imagine commenting that you  can just swipe the card at the end. Imagine your surprise and shock when the now rude old lady snaps that of course you can. Try to reign in your tongue as you begin chipping away at the google-plex food mountain, slowly but surely making your way through the pile, swiping the products again and again over the conveyer belt. Imagine your arm getting tired, your eyelids drooping, your shoulders slouching….and then snapping awake to the obnoxious sound of the old lady tapping her red pumps against the tile floor.

Yup, that’s what it’s like at Harris Teeter during Turkey Week.

Of course, I used a bit of literary license, but the part about the cart mountain and the mean old lady was true! Actually, I had several carts like that run through my lane yesterday. It was insane. By the end of my three hour shift (I know, it’s SO long, right??), I had probably gone through SO MUCH food and about 20 overloaded carts. No joke.

It’s because people procrastinate and procrastinate until they look up and OHMYGOSH! Turkey Day is just three days away. Poor planning on their part but hey, it’ll make my paycheck fatter!

I’m sooo looking forward to Thanksgiving. I have been overly hungry for too long. TOO LONG. I don’t eat enough nowadays becausee I have no money and therefore must scrimp and sigh over the meager mouse-sized proportions that are my lunch. But let’s not forget the true meaning behind Turkey D-…I mean Thanksgiving. Be grateful for what you have, and don’t miss what you don’t want that you believe you need even though you don’t. Do you understand?

So basically, happy Turkey Day everyone! Eat lots of food, get fat on lots of pumpkin pie and sweet potato casserole (YUMMY!), and eat lots of turkey. (On a funny note, there is a hilarious episode of Doctor Who where an ignorant alien is describing humans to other aliens (who obviously look like humans), saying that once a year, humans have a huge celebration sacrificing to their “great god” Santa, who has enormous claws and a wife named Mary, and that once a year the humans turn into savages and attack the people of Turkey and, upon capturing them, eat them in a grand feast. Yup, that’s Doctor Who for ya.)

Have a great Turkey Week! 🙂


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