So instead of being that stereotypical blogger that goes on and on about her lovely Christmas, what she got, etc., I’ve decided to simply leave it at “Merry Christmas, all. Hope you got what you wanted!” and leave it at that.

And now for the purpose of this blog post: I’ve noticed that boys are not very adept at figuring out what (not) to say to girls, how to say it, and how the inflection in their tone affects how it is received. Due to this complete and utter ignorance on their part, I’ve decided to pitch in a bit and give them a list of things NEVER EVER TO SAY TO A GIRL EVER and things that girls appreciate (or at least, things that I appreciate).

THE LIST:

DO SAY:

♫ – “You look great today!”

♫ – “Wow, you can really sing, you have a great voice!” (even though I sound like a screeching cat)

♫ – “You are so incredibly talented!”

♫ – “Wanna watch Doctor Who?” (This one may just be me)

♫ – “Let’s make cookies!”

♫ – “Want me to brush your hair?” (Trust me boys, a girl’s hair is the way to her heart. Unless she’s one of those girls who obsess over their hair; in that case, step away very slowly)

♫ – “Wanna go get coffee?” (Preferably Starbucks but hey, I’m not picky. Take me to Caribou or even McDonalds, just get me a large caramel frappe, please!)

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SAY:

♫ – “Are you on your period or something?” (Note: this is a sure-fire way to get killed, because they very likely are.)

♫ – “You need to calm down.”

♫ – “You’re acting crazy!”

♫ – “I can’t stand you!”

♫ – “You’re wearing too much makeup” (unless you follow it up with something like, “I want to see your pretty face just the way it is.” In that case, it’s a lovely thing to say.)

♫ – “You’re gaining weight.” (You will die.)

♫ – “OMG ARE YOU PREGNANT???” (You will die slowly and painfully)

Guys, do you get the basic gist of it? Compliment girls/offer them food or pamper them, and we will be chill and happy. Do anything else…and it’s full-on war. I mean, come ON guys, some of these are pretty obvious, and yet I see guys saying the wrong things all the time. I must, however, re-emphasize the “You need to calm down” note. That one will get you torn apart, because girls don’t usually like being told to calm down when they are worried about something. It makes them feel like you are minimizing their problems. Don’t do it.

Hopefully this will help a few of you guys out there who are completely clueless about girls, because if this can’t help you…well, you’re beyond help, my friend. 😉